Are You Afraid To Look At Yourself?

We have A Revelation!

Evan! Wake up. That was life itself, calling me.

At 3 am in the early dawn when I woke up, sweating, and experiencing a terrible feeling that I was about to die alone in my New York City home. 

I shivered inside; this minute will be my last moment in my body. I will not look at the sunrise again.

My family will find me dead in my bedroom, wondering what happened to me. Did he have a heart attack or self-suicide? They would want to know what had transpired.

 My entire life cycle flashes in seconds in my head.

Shaking with absolute fear, I jump up off my bed and hurry to the bathroom mirror. I got to see what is going on with me!

Stop Looking, Damn it!

What I discovered was a disastrous shell of a man’s face staring back at me with a disheartened presence in his eyes that states, If you don’t cease glancing at me, I am going to reach out through this glass, snatch you by the neck and strangle you. Move, damn it!

 Take Care Of Your Business

I stumble out of the bathroom into the dark entrance, feeling demoralized. What the hell is going on with me? Is this how death feels? I ask myself. Then I heard; You are not afraid of dying. You are fearful of flying out of your body before honoring your responsibilities. Stop hiding in your self-formed cavern, go out, and take care of your business. Alone, ashamed, and furious, I chastised myself for living in regrets for years.

Enough of the crap, I respond after I relaxed.

I have been operating as a buffoon for those years! Lying to myself and concluding nothing, I started! 

I will not go through this distressing behavior ever again. I had received a swift kick in the ass, fully awakened at dawn. If you ask me whose voice I heard, I will have to say that it was my father reminding me to be still, proceed forward with intention, and quit looking back. If this sounds weird, don’t judge it.

I will explain.

Before my father left this third-dimensional realm, he said, “Don’t be afraid to do whatever you want to do”. I have discarded his advice for “donkey years” This slogan is the Jamaican style of saying many years ago.

I arrived through the womb once again on that early wake-up call, encouraging me to focus and smash through my self-imposed cave.

Haste Makes Waste

The term “haste makes waste” is a phrase I heard my mother often say to her children. It means that you are running around and not achieving much. 

 At 20, I injured myself while practicing as a member of the United States Marine Corps Track & Field team. I was preparing for an important trail competition with two friends to represent the military in a significant Track and Field trial, plus an opportunity for a college scholarship at a university after my military tour. We have been practicing hard at the Maryland University near the Marine Corps base camp.

Giving ourselves sufficient time to prepare our bodies before practice was extremely important in order to do our best and to prevent injuries. One particular afternoon, one of my training partners demanded that we hasten and wrap up our practice because he is hungry. 

Honoring The Body

As an elite sprinter, I was against rushing the warming up period.  my muscles needed to be loose and warm for racing.

His persistence prevails. On the second 200-meter sprint, after a brief preparation, my thigh muscles felt tight, but I felt great in my body, so I sped up to advance the time we set for each sprint. While Sprinting around the second curve of the 400 meters track field, I stumbled to the ground. I had damaged a hamstring muscle on one of my thighs.The pain was unbearable, and I could not stand on my own. 

In my rush to complete the routine exercises, I lost an opportunity to represent the Marine Corps Track and Field team. It took me one year of rehabilitation before I could even jog again. 

For some time, I blamed my anxious friend, but it was my responsibility to honor my body and concentrate on what was most important to me at the moment. 

If you don’t learn to manage your own time and energy, someone or some circumstance will manage them for you. It takes courage to say no.

Focus Attention

There is an excellent scene in the movie “Kill Bill,” starring Uma Thurman, that I recall. Her enemies buried her alive underground in a wooden coffin.

Facing death and nobody to rescue her, she quieted her breathing, calmed her mind, concentrated all her awareness on her fist, and punched her way out to freedom.

The brutal training she received from her Kung Fu teacher had prepared her to reach beyond her limitations. Her training now paid off.

As imposing as some incidents may seem, there are always lessons to learn. The reason is, our history did not dissolve into nothingness, but I believe it progresses into our future present to confront us. We only have to slow our lives down and learn from our experiences.

Human Tribe

As members of the human tribe, we all have valuable contributions for humankind’s greater good.

Sometimes, we cannot see our own blind-spots even in broad daylight, however; we become adventurous in the worst of times to realize the best within us. Life always gives us opportunities.

I invested in the belief that I am a member of the human family, which supports me immensely. As I practice this belief, things become more clear that we all bear the same gift, the gift of presence.

Disciplines Create Magic

Disciplines that can produce magic in your life if you apply them. 

Practice observing your physical and emotional behaviors without judging yourself.

Listening to your thoughts without reacting by retaining some of your attention on the inside.

Here are four disciplines that can produce magic in your life if you applied them.

Behind Your Eyes Observation

Practice observation by looking within yourself from behind your eyes. Meaning, you are literally looking behind your eyeballs as you observe your environment without claiming or labeling anything in your surroundings.

If you feel any tension in your eyes, take a break and relax. Steady practice each day.

Everything is magnetic energy and created in an instance. Therefore; what you are seeing or imagining is an architectural field of energy. 

If you have ever performed in anything that requires you to stay focused intensely, you know how important it is to observe your environment without grabbing on things with your eyes. Your energy goes where your attention goes.

Navel/Spine Attention  

Focus your attention below your navel or at the tip of your spine, at the sacrum, between the two hip bones of your pelvis. In that state of awareness, you are in a better position to practice #1 (Observation). 

You are now practicing the art of looking from behind your eyes.

Emotional Direction

Looking for solutions on the outside, and you will neglect to look inside. 

Your imagination has everything you desire. If it wasn’t so, you could never have imagined them. Your sense will trick you into believing that your desire comes from outside of you. 

As noted in (#1 Observation) you are a part of the architectural field of energy.

Looking inside into the deepest darkest area of our lives may seem pointless, but remember, the night sky reveals the stars that are ever present, but are not visible in daylight. Again, these disciplines work only if you practice them. 

Reverse Meditation

This simple but effective meditation I called Reverse Meditation will help you increase your concentration.

Just before going to sleep, review your day activities in reverse, starting with the last thing you did before bed and work backward to the first thing you did when you got up in the morning. 

For example, you took a shower before going to bed and then reviewed your activities in reverse, back to the first task you did when you got up that morning. 

This exercise seems simple, but try it for a week, and you will realize how challenging it can be. 

I asked a friend to try this exercise, and he informed me he found it hard to do. He had trouble recalling his actions for the day. I recommended to him to review his day in trunks of 3 or 4 hours instead of small, detailed segments.

If an event during your day was unpleasant, imagine it to be a healthy outcome and continue the reverse viewing. This meditation can also benefit those who are having trouble falling asleep. 

Maybe there are some uneasy moments in your day that you are having difficulty letting go of, or you are trying to force something. Give yourself the opportunity to feel it through. 

This meditation is a psychological weight lifting workout without strains. You may discover for yourself, as I did, that you are becoming more attentive to your daily actions.

 

Again, these disciplines work only if you practice them.

Have fun strengthening your concentration with the 4 disciplines. 

Combine them together as one practice. If any stress or anxiety arises, smile and continue practicing. 

I encourage you to listen to the little voice within yourself and remember that this is your life, your design, your reality.

Evan Worldwind

About the author 

worldwind
I am a certified Neuro-linguistic Design, Practitioner of the Classical Yang Style Family Tai Chi Chuan, Musician, Story Teller, and Teacher of the Mystical Didgeridoo.
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